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Family Affair: My Coach is My Dad
by Teri Saylor (VYPE - Wake, Durham, Orange)
Most high school coaches are known by the simple moniker “coach,” but in some circles, coaches are also called “dad.”
Charlie Slagle, executive director of the Capital Area Soccer League remembers coaching his son, Barry, for four years on a club soccer team. He had been a college coach at Davidson for 15 years, but recalls that no amount of coaching could prepare him for coaching his own son’s team.
“I had to concentrate more than any other of my teams on how I treated (my son’s team). I wanted to treat the team as if my son wasn’t on it,” he said. “I was Coach Slagle and he was player Barry.”
Slagle believes in treating players according to their emotional makeup, to treat them fairly, and to not play favorites.
“Having a child on the team made (objectivity) more difficult, but with a little forethought, it was able to be accomplished,” he said.
As a rule CASL doesn’t have a system involving coaches coaching their own kids, but sprinkled throughout the Triangle are a few coaches who have turned their sports into a family affair.
Spreading it Out
When Chris Daum, coach of junior varsity football and varsity lacrosse at Cary Christian School, hears “dad” on the field, it is music to his ears.
“I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than to coach my son and to work with young men,” Daum said.
Daum’s son, Michael Daum, 15, is an eighth grader and plays on both of his dad’s teams.
At Cary Christian School, all 80 coaches are volunteers, Daum said.
“That’s one distinction of Cary Christian. Most of the volunteer coaches are also parents,” he said.
Mike, who has been playing lacrosse since the second grade and is on the Cary Christian varsity team, loves that his father and his coach are the same guy.
“It’s great having my dad involved in helping develop me as a player,” Mike said. “Whatever season we’re in, we spend time talking about sports.”
And what do father and son talk about when their sports are not in season?
“We talk about what’s coming up in our next sports season,” Daum said, laughing.
Daum, who played football in his own playing days, admits he didn’t have much of a choice when he was asked to step in at Cary Christian when the JV football team needed a coach.
“I just got home from a business trip, and there was a parent waiting for me in my living room,” he said.
It wasn’t a hard sell; the recruiting was complete; Daum moved into the coach’s role and has never looked back. His oldest son was on the team at the time.
“We took our lumps,” Daum said. His team went 0-7 that year.
By the time Mike was on the team, they had transferred the high numbers into the “win” column and took home a state championship.
For Daum, the job of parenting has turned a part time job of coaching into a fulltime job.
His son is a fulltime athlete.
“I get coaching at practice and also at home,” Mike said. “But at practice and at games, my dad treats everyone the same, like we are all his sons.”
The other Daum athlete in the family, Matthew Daum, is a junior and plays baseball. He’s going through the college recruiting process now.
Since lacrosse is played in the spring, the same season as baseball, Coach Daum and Matthew have had to make sacrifices. Matthew has not been able to show his old man what he can do on the diamond, and his dad hasn’t been able to be there to cheer for him.
“My wife and the kids’ grandparents are also very involved as well, and we have worked it out so that our kids have a parent or a grandparent at their games to give support,” Daum said.
Audrey Daum, the third Daum kid, doesn’t play any sports. She’s all about music and drama, and that suits her dad just fine.
“I have three kids and they all have their own thing. I think that’s great,” he said.
When the kids are grown and on their own, what’s a left-behind coaching dad to do?
“I hope to keep coaching,” he said. “I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than to work with young men.”
Daughter as Co-Pilot
When Jason Schoenrock stepped into his coach’s shoes at Cary Christian School, he set off on a mission.
“I wanted to raise the level of Cary Christian’s volleyball program,” he said. “My goal is to build the program by getting kids involved at a younger age.”
Schoenrock played volleyball in college.
“I felt I had something to offer,” he said.
Coaching girls is a new experience.
“Coaching girls is interesting,” he mused. “I can’t treat them like guys, as much as I would like to, but they are great. They will do anything you ask of them and they don’t complain.”
Schoenrock’s daughter, Katie Schoenrock, 15, is on his team.
“We talk a lot,” he said. “We talk about how to motivate the team. I ask for her advice about different situations, and in many cases, messages from me to the team and vice versa are funneled through Katie.”
Schoenrock’s father was a football coach. In a way coaching comes naturally to him.
“My dad was more of a soft touch, and I’m more assertive,” he said. “I expect our team to be in contention for state championships. I ask the kids to be committed to doing hard things. I set the bar high.”
He uses all of the resources he can get his hands on, and that includes calling club coaches for advice.
“I’m not afraid to recognize when I need help,” he said.
Schoenrock’s daughter is a top level player, and he holds her to a high standard. He believes his role as coach has helped their relationship.
“She’s a teenage daughter, after all. Volleyball gives us something in common to talk about, and through sports, I can teach her ‘dad lessons,’” he said. “I use sports as a metaphor for life.”
Life lessons resonate with the other girls on his team too.
Among those life lessons he teaches are integrity, sportsmanship, and doing things the right way.
“We’re not playing for ourselves. We’re carrying Cary Christian School on our jerseys and that makes a difference,” he said.
All in the Family
For Jim Pappas, athletic director and varsity basketball coach at Cedar Ridge High School, coaching his own kids has been a lifelong dream he forged long before he even started his own family.
Eldest son Josh Pappas, a recent Cedar Ridge graduate, played football, basketball and tennis. He’s going off to college at UNC-Charlotte this fall.
Cameron Pappas, a rising junior, is a three-sport athlete who plays football, basketball and baseball.
The youngest Pappas athlete is Peyton Pappas, 12, a student at A.L. Stanback Middle School. He also plays football, baseball and basketball at the club sports level.
Pappas hopes he’s able to continue coaching when Peyton gets to high school.
“I got lucky,” Pappas said. “I have healthy kids who have had opportunities for athletics.”
The coach’s athletic kids feel lucky too.
“I grew up playing in the Cedar Ridge gym,” said Josh. “Dad wasn’t my coach then, but I saw him in the coach’s role. It wasn’t until I was in the 10th grade he started coaching me. It has been an exciting experience.”
Cameron had not known his dad’s dream was to coach his own kids until a recent interview.
“It’s awesome that we have helped my dad fulfill his dream,” Cameron said.
The Pappas wife and mom, D.J., rounds out the family, and recently became the guidance counselor at Cedar Ridge.
“We made a conscious decision to live in the community where Jim coaches. Athletics and Cedar Ridge High School has become our lifestyle. It’s the life we decided to live,” she said. “I wouldn’t change anything.”
Pappas the coach can’t imagine doing anything else. Ever.
“My biggest role models growing up were my coaches,” he said.
Balancing coaching and parenting has had its challenges.
“It’s a little easier now,” son Josh said. “The first couple of seasons were tough transitioning from the basketball floor to the house, but now we usually just come home from practice and watch a movie.”
The family also likes to spend time away from school on the tennis court or golf course.
“Off the court, my dad is pretty cool,” Cameron said.
On the court, he’s all coach.
“I’m on my sons to be role models and team leaders, but I don’t treat them any different from the other players,” Pappas said. “It’s not easy to step out of the role of parent into coach.”
D.J. begs to differ, and is glad her husband has good coaching skills.
“It takes a lot of coaching just to get the boys to clean up their rooms,” she said.